is a sentence fragment
by callmesandy
Summary: A different version of the summer before season 3. (Pacey/Jen, Jen/Joey, ends with Joey/Pacey.)


Notes: not mine, no profit garnered. Title and opening quote from Bruce Covey's Whole. For the gwyo bingo setting seen below. Thanks to A for beta help!

* * *

 _In Decatur, it's easy_  
 _to play bocce, even though_  
 _I never met anyone who_  
 _knows the rules. Grammar_  
 _on the other hand, is_  
 _often better broken. My_  
 _simultaneous heart. Is_  
 _a sentence fragment._

Pacey'd thought he knew pain before but that was all nothing. He rubbed his face and went to where Joey worked. Where Joey worked, Joey had an asshole boss who was an asshole to her. Pacey saw her and waved. "Joey," he said, sounding very sober. Super sober, even though he wasn't at all.

"Pacey, you're drunk," Joey said.

"I am," Pacey said. "I'm fulfilling the second oldest tradition, right after the preacher's daughter being a super slut. The cop's son who flouts the law."

"That's a good point," Joey said, guiding him to the wall to lean on. He promptly sunk and sat down. "I'm upholding a tradition, too, the drug dealing cheater's kid who neither drinks or sleeps around." She frowned, like she remembered all over again her dad getting arrested again.

"You drink," Pacey said. "I saw you drink, at that party. Last year."

"You're right," Joey said. "So why didn't you bring some for me, huh?"

"Why do you want a drunk drink, Potter?"

Thankfully, Potter was easily distracted. She said immediately, "I called Dawson. I called and I talked to him. I've been thinking and thinking and I don't think we should have gotten back together. I'm glad we did, I really am, but we don't work. We just don't. It can't happen, you know? I put off calling him for so long because I was just, I was just. I'm not angry with him anymore, that's not it, you know?"

She went on like that for a while. He nodded and said, "uh huh" at appropriate intervals. She went on for a long time. It was seriously heartbreaking how long she managed to go on.

"Pacey, why are you drunk?"

"I called Andie," he said, fidgeting. "She told me last week she slept with a guy, one of the other patients. Then she cried. But I can't go on trusting her implicitly, even though she told me her horrible awful actions that had her crying. I've lost everything." He actually sniffled. "I can't bear to lose her. But I did anyway."

"Pacey," Joey said, softly. She sat down next to him. "Why did you let me ramble on when you were having such an awful time?"

"If I didn't tell anyone, maybe it didn't happen," Pacey said. "That seemed like a viable plan."

"I'm sorry," Joey said. He rested his head on her shoulder. She let him. She said, "You really are broken, you're not trying to look down my shirt."

"I know," Pacey said.

He woke up hungover and a distinct lack of memory of how exactly he got home but he was in his own bed. His heart hurt worse than his head and he wouldn't have thought that was possible. His head really hurt.

Even after his hangover went away, he still felt like shit. He was shit. He was exactly the kind of loser everyone always said he was because who else wouldn't have been enough for Andie? He laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Why did he even try?

Joey, of course, came over in the evening. She barged her way in and came into his room. "Pacey, get up," she said.

"Nope," he said.

"Pacey, get up or I will tell your mother."

He panicked a little at the one. But his mother didn't actually care about him, she just pretended and did it badly. He'd figured that one out when he discovered his dad actually did give a shit. "You can tell her whatever you want, I'm not getting up."

"You need to," Joey said. She sat down on the bed. "Please tell me you're not naked under there."

"I have underwear on," Pacey said.

"I am going to wait outside for you while you put on pants and a shirt," Joey said.

Joey was stubborn, like a mule. Like Andie, he thought. He got out of bed, put on underwear and clean clothes. Then he stepped out. She made him eat at McDonalds like he was common folk and then she took him to a bowling alley. "Potter, you are not taking me bowling."

"I broke up with someone, too, I'm depressed and I want cheap entertainment that involves things smashing into other things," Joey said.

It was mildly fun. Then he started thinking how much Andie would have liked it and got sad again. Joey put a plate of cheesy nachos in front of him and said, "My soulmate and I will never be the love we're supposed to be."

"The love of my life cheated on me," Pacey said. He took a nacho. "This is only a cheese like substance, I think the only thing it has in common with cheese is that is also a vaguely similar color."

"Yet you're eating," Joey said. She took two.

"So're you," Pacey said.

Annoyingly, she came over every day for the whole week. The only time he could even wallow was when she was working. "Are you feeling better now?" He poked her in the thigh. She wore very short shorts, he noticed. How had he missed that all week?

"Helping people is a great way to heal," Joey said. She poked him in his thigh. He was wearing not short shorts. His shorts came to his knees like good manly shorts should. Though he had great legs if he chose to wear short shorts, he thought.

"What?" he said.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I think you are feeling better, you dirty lech."

"You're a prude," he said.

While Joey was at work, he headed over to the house of Ryan, Lindley, and McPhee. He found Lindley and McPhee in the front yard, one under a makeshift sun screen and the other tanning. "Pacey," Jen said, waving from her shaded place. "What's up?"

"Jack, did you talk to Andie?"

"I did," Jack said. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" Jen stood up. "What happened and you didn't tell me?"

"Andie found a new boyfriend," Pacey said.

"She's not dating that guy," Jack said. "It was just the one time."

"She could date him if she wanted," Pacey said.

Jen said, "Pacey, I'm sorry," and hugged him close.

He patted Jen's pretty hair and then stepped back. Apparently breaking up or more accurately, being dumped, was making him want every available girl he saw. Though he'd always had a healthy appreciation for Jen's delightful assets. Then he was comparing them to Andie's like he used to do all the time. He would look at other girls and then he'd think about Andie and be happy with the wonderful woman he had. Now he had nothing.

"It's been a week," Jack said. "Where you been?"

"Hanging with Joey," Pacey said. "She decided the great saga of Dawson and Joey had reached its end of romance and she was very sad, too. We were sad together."

"That sounds like a great plan," Jen said. "She really broke up with Dawson? Again?"

"She really really did this time," Pacey said.

"I don't buy it," Jen said. "Those two never break up for real."

Pacey shrugged. "We can all hang out, it'll be fun."

"I like Joey," Jack said.

"She doesn't like me," Jen said.

"We can all hang out anyway," Pacey said.

He somehow convinced Jack and Jen to go bowling with them. They even had fun. He swore he saw Jen and Joey talking like they liked each other and cared about each other. It was insane but heartwarming.

And they miraculously kept it up the next five days. Jack told him the girls had hung out at least twice without either of them. Which meant even though Jen proposed it, today's new nutty idea had to be coming from Joey.

"A summer class at CCC?"

"We can sign up for any class that doesn't have prerequisites since we're all officially juniors at Capeside High," Jen said. "And it counts on our high school transcript for credits."

"You're a junior, right, Pace?"

Pacey said, "Yes, Jackers, I passed every class with at least a C minus. So I am indeed a junior. Why do I have to spend my summer being academic because you and Joey are bosom buddies?"

Jack grinned. "I have the same question, actually."

"It's more fun if we all do it together," Jen said. "It's one class and neither of you are actually allergic to school work. Joey and I made a list." She pushed the list across the table. "Come on, Pacey, one of them has to appeal to you."

He scanned the list. "Why do I let you two railroad me?" He said, "Okay, history of china. I like plates."

Jack said, "I think it's the country."

"Fuck," Pacey said. "But we're taking it anyway, aren't we?"

Jen nodded with a big smug grin.

The class started the very next Monday. "Awesome, just what I wanted," Pacey grumbled. Joey glared at him from one desk over.

"Plates," Jack said. "You like plates."

The teacher was pretty good, though. Better than most of the ones he'd had at Capeside. She was conversational and she didn't seem intent on belittling anyone, she was just really excited about her subject. He did the reading so he could participate because participating was fun instead of reciting rote facts or being looked down on by some asshole who had long stopped caring.

Friday afternoon he laid on Jen's bed reading the next chapter. "This is almost as interesting as plates," he said.

Jen sat down next to him. "We tricked you into caring about it, didn't we?"

"I think it's the better instruction than any kind of prestidigitation on you females' parts."

"You like my female parts," Jen said, smirking at him. She moved and sat with her legs spread on his legs. She was wearing a long sundress, the way she was sitting hiked it up to her mid thighs. "Jack suggested to me that you and I should have sex."

"Excuse me?" Pacey put his book down and rested his hands on her thighs. "My girlfriend's brother suggested I have casual sex with his best friend?"

Jen looked at him sadly. He said, "Right, my ex-girlfriend. The one who cheated on me. Why would Jack think I'm a good thing for you?"

"You're a good thing," Jen said, sternly. "I was really depressed at the end of the school year. Jack thinks a good roll in the hay would help me get right on the happy train. Being happy is a nice side effect of good sex."

He gripped her thighs, spreading her legs further. He said, "I'm glad you and Jack think I'm good at sex. What's in this for me, your human prozac?"

"You're a teenaged boy turning down one time only offer no strings attached sex with a, excuse me for saying this, a pretty hot chick?" She reached for the hem of her dress and took it off. She was not wearing a bra. He was already hard and now somehow he could feel himself getting harder.

"Okay," he said. "Okay." He held her hands, tugging her down to him. Then he kissed her, her lips soft and he held onto her breast, his other hand now on her face and they were like this, kissing and groping for a really good span of time.

Somewhere in the kissing and her hands on his chest, almost scratching him which was way hotter than he expected, they had both gotten naked. He said, "Condom, condoms are a really good thing."

"You're not wrong," Jen said. She got off the bed and squatted next to her bedside table. Her hair was sticking up in all sorts of directions and she had this absolutely beautiful fluffy cloud perfect skin. She held up a strip of three. "This is what I've got."

"I'm 16, I can do that," Pacey said. Jen got back on the bed, rolling her eyes at him. He reached for the condoms but Jen held them up higher.

"I got it," she said. Jen was astonishingly proficient at putting on a condom that she held in her mouth and his dick in her mouth was so great he almost came.

Then she got on top of him and lowered herself onto him and she did everything while he just thrust up and man, she looked incredible as he looked up at her flushed sweaty face and her tiny lip bite and he held her breasts delicately and tried not to come until she did. But he did come and she moaned and Jackers was exactly right, this was such a good idea.

"One time only," Jen said, as she got back in bed after disposing of the condom and cleaning them both up.

"One afternoon only," Pacey said. "You still have two condoms left."

"I like how you think," Jen said.

The second time, they did it doggy style which Pacey would argue was a horrible name for such a great feeling position. They should call it awesome style, he thought. He angled himself to make Jen happy and her fingers were all over herself. He held her hips tight, the pink under his fingers bright on pale skin. He came and saw white under his closed eyes.

The third condom Jen lay on her back, legs spread, feet flat on the edge. He gripped her thighs this time, thrusting into her over and over again.

"Jesus," Jen said. "This has been an awesome few hours."

"I have to bike home," Pacey said, almost crying. He didn't think his legs would work.

"You can't stay here," Jen said, laughing. "Sneak out, then climb the ladder and sleep at Dawson's."

"How are you so smart?"

Jen shrugged and closed her eyes. "Better get moving."

!

Jen spent Saturday happy and languorous, stretching and feeling her activities. After Grams went out for her Saturday errands, Jen said to Jack, "That was a really good idea of yours, having sex with Pacey."

Jack did a literal spit-take which was hilarious. He said, "You took that seriously? You had sex with Pacey?"

"Correction, I had very good sex with Pacey," Jen said.

"I'm very glad for you, but I wasn't advising you to do it," Jack said.

"I took it that way," Jen said. "And I'm very pleased I did because Pacey, as it turns out -"

"Stop," Jack said.

Jen started to make hand gestures to indicate what she meant and then Jack grabbed her hands to stop her.

Pacey was as usual absolutely chill Monday in class. He smiled at her and it wasn't even lewd. As she and Joey walked home, Joey said, "Pacey seems like he's in a good mood."

"He does," Jen said. "How about you? Are you feeling better?"

"Not really," Joey said. "It's weird talking to you about it. Good weird, I promise. Why weren't we friends before? That's on me, right? I was an awful person."

"No one is ever completely to blame," Jen said.

"70-30, then," Joey said. "I don't think it was just because of Dawson, though. Or my inherent awfulness."

"It's the patriarchy, training us to hate each other and regard each other as rivals. You know what happens when women pull together? They're powerful. We are powerful and frightening. You are the smartest girl at school, just think what kind of activism and real change might happen if neither of us were worrying about Dawson or boys," Jen said.

"If we were lesbians, we'd rule the world?" Joey laughed.

"Possibly," Jen said. "We'd at least already have Lilith Fair tickets for the Tweeter Center show."

"Eh," Joey said. "It's not quite my music scene."

Joey followed Jen upstairs to Jen's room. "Actually," Joey said. "Now that we are friends. And we are friends, that I know is true. But I wanted to ask, I have some questions about something you know better than I do."

"Are you trying to ask me sex questions?"

"Yes," Joey said. "I haven't gotten very far, I mean, Dawson and I made out -"

"He touched your breasts but didn't touch skin," Jen said, nodding. "There was some grinding so you have an idea that he can absolutely get an erection and it's big enough for you to feel."

"Right." Joey sat on the bed, pushing her hair back and smiling that adorable smile. "And with Jack, I mean, he was naked, and I was mostly naked and there was touching and groping and he did touch me down there -"

"Down there in the mysterious lady cavern that shall not be named," Jen said.

"Fine, vagina," Joey said.

"Technically, we're talking about the vulva, vagina, the very important clitoris, inner labia, outer labia, all those jazzy places," Jen said.

"Nothing has gone inside there, though," Joey said. "And I worry it's going to hurt."

"Not even your own fingers?" Jen sat back and felt her fluffy pillow against her back.

"No, no," Joey said.

"Not even when you were masturbating?"

"No," Joey said.

"Please don't say you don't, because I don't believe it. I do, I bet you do," Jen said. There was no way she didn't.

Joey was suddenly blushing and looking out the window. "I do. I usually, you know, kinda hump a pillow, thinking about you know, pirates, bank robbers."

"Pirates and bank robbers and not Dawson?"

"Not really," Joey said. "You know, a bad man forces me to do stuff."

"Which is okay," Jen said. "But on the other hand, being forced to do something means you don't have to acknowledge your own desires. It's just like female friendship, the patriarchy is smashing it down, making you think you're some of kind of whore for wanting a decent orgasm."

Joey looked over her shoulder at Jen. She was rolling her eyes adorably. Apparently all it took was talking about the patriarchy and the mysterious cavern of ladyhood for Jen to start thinking sapphic thoughts. Usually it was more like a fifth of gin and two tabs of E, but those days were over.

"There are better ways to get yourself off than just what you're doing," Jen said. "Don't worry, I won't demonstrate, but you know the most magical place in that cavern is the clitoris. Or clit for short." Jen got up and got her art book out. "Let's look at this Georgia O'Keefe painting for me to show you. Here on this flower, that would be the super fun place. More happy nerves than a penis. So don't just push it around. You know, have fun. Figure out what you like."

Jen pointed out another part of the painting. "Don't try putting anything in your vagina unless you're aroused. If you're not wet, it won't work. So it doesn't hurt, not if you're with someone who actually cares about you. It might be a little sore, a little stretching but honestly, it's not that bad. Even if they have a big dick."

"Okay, good," Joey said. "Let's talk about anything else."

They had to write a paper for the end of the History of China course. Pacey looked at Jen with his puppy dog blue eyes and said, "Please make sure I wrote better than a fifth grader, I have not had the best luck with English papers."

"Okay, you can check mine," Jen said, passing hers over.

"Why would you trust this with me? Ask Joey or Jack," Pacey said.

"Ask me what?" Jack sat down on the porch with them.

Pacey passed him Jen's paper. "Jen needs someone to check her paper who is a better student than me."

"Pacey, don't be an idiot," Jack said, passing Jen's paper back to Pacey.

"The problem is I am an idiot," Pacey said.

"Shut up, Pacey," Joey said as she sat down on the porch. "Did you guys finish your papers? Mine's done and I wanted to talk about the final."

"My paper's done," Jack said. "Jen and Pacey have theirs done but Pacey refuses to read over Jen's for mistakes because he thinks he's too stupid to do it."

Jen said, "But I've been reading his paper and it's really good so Pacey should just stuff it."

Pacey shrugged and picked up Jen's paper.

After Jack went upstairs and Joey went to work, Pacey said to Jen, "I just, you know, Andie was the one who made me smart. I wasn't good enough for her. "

"Stop saying that," Jen said. "You made you smart, you were good enough for Andie, she just broke your heart. It's not a judgment on your worth, it's a mistake Andie made."

"You sound like Joey," Pacey said.

"She's a smart cookie," Jen said. "Is she really broken up with Dawson?"

"Romantically, I actually think so," Pacey said. "And Dawson definitely seems to be adapting to this brave new Joey."

"You've talked to him?"

Pacey said, "Yeah, I call him, we're best friends, remember?" His foot tapped on the porch and it wasn't a good rhythm.

"Are you nervous because of the final or something else?"

Pacey stilled himself. "Two weeks after this final, it's back to school and everyone's home."

"It'll be good to see Andie," Jen said. "It really will be, you two can talk face to face."

"I could wait forever to never ever do that," Pacey said. "Okay, I'm heading out."

They turned in their papers and took their final and Pacey showed up with two six packs of beer stolen from somewhere. They each had two and then Pacey said, "I'm leaving you guys with these four because Doug promised he was going to wake me up super early tomorrow morning to get started on some of the chores I should have done when I was taking class or actually trying to live a life." He took their eight empties with him to dispose of.

Jack said, "I'm going to bed, I'm tired of hangovers."

Jen smiled at Joey. "That's two each for the two of us."

Joey laughed. "I might already be drunk."

"Did you have lunch or dinner?"

"No lunch, dinner was an apple," Joey said.

"You probably are already drunk," Jen said. "Fine, I'll hide these four upstairs, come up with me."

Joey came up after calling Bessie to let her know she was sleeping over at Jen's.

Jen said, as Joey came in, "Try to find the beer!"

"No," Joey said. She sat on the bed and took off her shoes. "I'm not actually that drunk, I know what I'm doing."

"I believe you," Jen said. Jen already had her shoes off. She took off her skirt and and shirt. She was going to find her nightgown somewhere, dressed in just her bra and panties.

Joey whistled at her, badly. "I was trying to leer at you."

Jen wiggled her hips.

Joey got up and grabbed Jen's hand, dragging her back to the bed. Jen stuttered something but then Joey was kissing her. It was an amazingly good kiss, much less tentative than Jen would have expected if she'd ever had the insane idea Joey Potter would kiss her.

Jen said, "You're drunk."

"I'm slightly buzzed," Joey said. She sat back and took off her shirt. As usual, Joey wasn't wearing a bra. "I have to admit, ever since you showed me that vaginal flower, I've been having more fun in my private time."

"Is the secret source of our previous tension that you and I were repressing our attraction to each other?" Jen sat down on the floor and delicately unzipped Joey's shorts. Then she yanked them off, making Joey jump a little. Joey's underwear was white cotton basic low rise, it somehow looked amazingly sexy.

"Maybe it was 25%?" Joey pulled Jen up on the bed and then they shifted around so they were side by side. Joey said, "But I don't want to date you. I mean, this isn't like Jack."

"I get it," Jen said. "Two shot. Like one shot, but twice."

"So we make out twice, two separate occasions?" Joey did that grin that made her face all wrinkle winky crinkle face. "I think, okay, I think we're 16. Like, not everything is settled. Maybe I just really like your boobs."

Jen smiled. "You're empowered by your slight buzz, and want to take a walk on the Ellen side. I think that's awesome." Jen leaned in and kissed Joey. Joey eagerly kissed back, her hands suddenly all over Jen, pushing aside her bra and groping at her breasts. Jen did the same with Joey's naked breasts. Jen started kissing her way down Joey's neck and then started on Joey's nearest breast. Joey actually moaned, it was adorable. Jen was delicate and sweet and soft on the breast under her mouth, but her hand on the other breast was kneading and twisting. Joey was flushed all over and panting for breath when Jen switched mouth and hand.

"Oh, oh, Jen," Joey said. "Fuck."

"Not yet, sweetie," Jen said. She ran her hands down Joey's side, kissing her way down to the very top of Joey's underwear. "I'm going to take these off now, is that okay?"

"Please," Joey said. "Please, please, please."

Jen pulled them off roughly like she'd done with Joey's shorts. Jen said, "See, you're wet and aroused." Jen began teasing Joey's clit with her thumb. "So now I'm going to try one finger, okay?"

"I've done two last week," Joey said. Her hips were pushing up and up.

Jen pushed one finger in. Joey was tight around her, but she was making happy noises. Jen spread Joey's legs and bowed her head down. She started licking and touching, getting two fingers in and then three. Joey grabbed at her hair and moaned again and again. She could tell when Joey came, felt it around her fingers and kept moving inside her. "Oh, fuck, fuck," Joey said. "You have to let me do this to you, come on."

Jen withdrew her hand and sat up. She undid her bra and took off her underwear. "I think that's a great plan."

Joey was a little clumsy and a lot eager. Jen guided Joey's hand so Joey took that instruction very well. They were both a sweaty mess, pruned up fingers and spent, boneless on the bed. Joey said, "Wow. That was definitely better than any boy I've dated."

"That's a pretty short list, though," Jen said. "Don't give up on boys yet." Pacey had been good in bed, she thought.

"Sure," Joey said. "I'll remember that. But we're going to do this one more time, right?"

"Two shot," Jen said.

!

Dawson got home a week before school started. Joey waited on his front lawn like an idiot. A foolhardy idiot, who was still trying to keep up this friendship. She was sure it was worth it, though.

"I didn't expect to see you," Dawson said. He squinted at the sun and she couldn't read his face.

"I wanted to welcome you home," Joey said. She hugged him and he sort of patted her back. She stepped back quickly.

"Thank you," he said. "How was your summer?"

"I told you, I called you, remember?" She grinned and shifted from left to right. She felt a twinge in her thigh that reminded her she had her second shot with Jen last night.

Joey had decided for once in her life to let things lie. She wasn't going to analyze these times with Jen to death, she was just going to let them have happened.

"Did Pacey really get a B+ in that class?" Dawson genuinely smiled at her.

"He did, it was pretty surprising," Joey said. "He says it's because the teacher was actually good for the first time in his life."

"Wasn't Miss Jacobs a good teacher?"

"Gross, Dawson," Joey said. They were both laughing. She went with him inside the house. They talked, and it was good even if it was all surface and nothing about their actual lives.

The next day Pacey came to her work and said, "How was the reunion with the soulmate?"

"Uh, it was fine in a sort of all surface casual conversation how's the weather it's fine kind of way. We didn't really talk but I hope it'll get better. Did he tell you about the skank on the bus?"

"Are you, the new improved feminist Joey, calling a fellow woman a skank? Isn't that against the code?" He fidgeted and played with his ugly shirt. She never really noticed his hands and his long eyelashes.

She said, "She's a strange blonde who makes out with a stranger sitting next to her on the bus. I'd call you a skank if you did that. So I'm still a feminist."

"It would be skanky if it were me," Pacey said. "Even though I am on the rebound from being cheated on so I might be acting out."

"Well, good thing you didn't take any bus trips," Joey said. "Do you think Skanky is still in town?"

"Do you care?"

"Actually," Joey said. "No. Not that way. I mean, I guess I should be jealous, or you would expect that I would be jealous, but mostly, I just wish Dawson was getting his rocks off with someone who more suited to him, intellectually and morally."

"No making out with skanks for Saint Dawson?" Pacey sat cross legged at the same place he'd told her about Andie.

"I don't mind the act of making out, it's the doing it with a stranger part I object to," Joey said.

"How long do you have to know someone before you can make out with them? And since when don't mind the making out part?"

Since she basically had sex with Jen. She said, "It's the patriarchy that tries to convince us that female desire is wrong and should be suppressed."

"You and Jen are spending way too much time together," Pacey said.

"I don't think that's true." She actually had a customer so she dealt with that and then went back to sitting with Pacey.

"Don't be anxious about seeing Andie," Joey said.

"That is completely useless advice," Pacey said.

She knew that.

It felt unfair that she and Jen could just have sex and neither of them have the kind of burdens Jack had to carry. They weren't going to come out, they weren't going to be girlfriends and since they were both attracted to men as well, they would probably pass as straight even though they weren't. It was unfair. It wasn't a hard thing to realize she was attracted to Jen, not like Jack had gone through.

She sat with Jack the day before school started. "I think junior year will be great," Joey said.

"Aren't you the optimist?" Jack shrugged. "It's gonna suck like every year in high school so far has sucked."

"It'll be better," Joey said. "Isn't Andie home tomorrow?"

"Yeah, she goes back to live with my dad and I'm staying here," Jack said.

"You didn't even know Grams at the beginning of last year," Joey said. "Already better."

"Yeah, a woman who was a complete stranger to me offers a better home to me than my actual father," Jack said. "I guess that's better."

"I'm trying here," Joey said.

"It's a noble effort," Jack said.

On the second day of school she was walking with Jen into the school. Jen said, "Pacey actually begged you to hang out with him all day so he'd have you there in case he ran into Andie?"

"Oh, absolutely," Joey said. "It was a blessing it happened in the morning because I really did have work."

"So, was it awful?" They paused by a tree.

"Sort of? He was like a kicked puppy and so was she but thankfully, then they both ran away. And I got to go to work," Joey said. "Is that Dawson and his skank over there?"

Jen glanced over her shoulder and then back again. "Yes. Should we pretend we haven't seen either of them and kinda rush in?"

"Honestly, I don't think that's a bad plan," Joey said, already speedwalking. Jen caught up with her as she opened the door.

"Hey, next time remember your legs are about a foot longer than mine," Jen said.

"That's not true," Joey said.

Pacey leaned in and said, "I think it might be. Where were you, Potter? You promised."

"Promised what?" Jen smiled at Pacey and then at Joey.

"He has first period with Andie, he wants me to walk into class with him," Joey said.

"Do you have to sit next to him, too?"

"No, she doesn't," Pacey said.

Joey rolled her eyes and waved goodbye to Jen.

After school she found Andie waiting at her locker. "You hate me, right?"

"No," Joey said. "I understand. Basically."

"You understand that I cheated on him and he refuses to forgive me?"

"Andie," Joey said. "I understand you were in that place and you were working hard to get better and that guy was there with you, too, and he got it and you made a mistake. Everybody does, it's okay. I don't think it's my place to judge. But also, not up to you whether the person who hurt you forgives you, you know?"

Andie said, "I know. But he says he understands and he's the one who dumped me and he walks around like I'm not hurting, too." Even Andie's pigtails seemed to be drooping. Joey thought Andie was dressing more like a little kid lately and then felt bad about the thought.

"Andie, you cheated on him. He considers that you dumping him. And yeah, he's a little too wrapped up in his own misery to notice much else, but we're all like that," Joey said.

"I know," Andie said. "I know."

"Maybe you're more angry at yourself than you are at Pacey?"

"I can be angry at both of us, I'm a multitasker," Andie said.

On Friday, Jen was the one who came by her work. Jen said, "I brought my books, I can study when you get customers."

"We barely do anything Friday nights, my jerk boss just keeps scheduling me for this night because he wants to go off and practice his new pick up lines before he whips out the roofies," Joey said. She picked up her own book. "You're not overcome with lust sitting next to me, right?"

"Nope. You?"

"Nope," Joey said. "Totally controllable."

Jen smiled. "I do agree with you, it's screwed up that even if we told someone, they would probably just think it was sexy or hot and since probably we'll both end up dating guys next, no one would treat us like they treated Jack. The world is fucked up and homophobic."

"Agreed," Joey said. "I think the best we can do is make sure we're part of making it less fucked up, right?"

"Right," Jen said. "I can't believe Jack is on the football team."

"And likes it," Joey said.

They both went back to studying for a while and then someone showed up and Joey had to work. She sat back down next to Jen.

Jen said, "So, how are you and Dawson?"

"Um, good, I think. We actually had a conversation of substance finally. Mostly he was telling me how much he regretted having sex with Eve, but it was a conversation," Joey said. "It was just weird, too. I mean, I felt like I was lying to him a little, pretending I'd never had sex which I haven't depending on some definitions but I definitely feel like he was overthinking all of it," Joey said.

"You two are never guilty of overthinking," Jen said.

"He kept saying he felt so dirty and it was the wrong thing -"

"Please tell me he didn't say any of that to Eve," Jen said. "That would be awful."

"He didn't," Joey said. "He said it to me because he thought Pacey wouldn't understand."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Pacey doesn't find casual sex shameful," Jen said.

"You two totally did it, didn't you?" Joey laughed.

Jen blushed. "One time, this summer, after the Andie break up. He's good, by the way."

"I don't want to know," Joey said. It occurred to her she was lying and she was bowled over by the thought that maybe she wanted to know herself and not in any kind of casual way. "I tried to say to Dawson," she said loudly to drown out her brain, "that he was being silly. And he came back with how society devalues rites of passage for men and it's not supposed to be romantic or meaningful when men have sex the first time, but he wanted it to be."

Jen said, quietly, "Did he say he wanted it to be with you?"

"Eventually." Joey sighed. "I said I thought it would be, too."

"But you didn't want it to be," Jen said. "You don't want it to be. I mean, first time with a penis."

Joey snorted. "I didn't say that to him. He assumed and inferred and got angry with me and we had an argument and I said at least we were talking again, and then he was like, yeah, and just laughed. So I guess that was settled."

"Wait until you actually do have a penis in your vagina and tell him and we'll see if it's settled," Jen said.

"You just really like saying penis," Joey said.

Saturday Joey went to find Pacey. She had high hopes that actually seeing Pacey in person and being reminded of the actuality of him would cure her of this weird feeling. He wasn't home, but Kerry sent her to a yard where apparently Pacey was building a boat. She biked over and found him sanding a very unseaworthy vessel. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Pacey said. He stood up and smiled at her and she sighed, frustrated. Her heart leapt, her pulse quickened and mostly she felt at peace, everything in place because she was with Pacey.

"Damn it," she said.

"What? Did I do something?" He looked genuinely confused.

She stood in front of him, exasperated. "How do you feel about me, Pacey?"

"Right now, a little confused." He smiled at her.

She grabbed his shirt and stood tippy toe and kissed him. After a second of nothing he kissed her back, held her face in his stupid big warm hands. She stepped back and said, "So."

"So," he said. "Good morning. Are you saying you like me?"

"I really do, it's so annoying," she said.

"I feel your pain," he said. "I never wanted to give a crap about you, either."

"Are you just rebounding?" She frowned and crossed her arms.

"I don't think so," he said. "Maybe you are."

"From Dawson? No, not at all," she said. "Can you believe he had sex with Eve?"

"I told him he should," Pacey said, blinking and shaking his head. "What are we talking about here?"

"I think, I think we should date, go on a date," she said.

"That sounds good," he said. "Good idea."

That date ended up being making out in his wreck of a boat. She helped his hand up her shirt so he could grope her. He actually moaned when she put her hand on his jeans, felt how hard he was. But they didn't get much further than that.

Pacey pushed her back and adjusted himself. "Sorry, sorry. We should tell Dawson, right? I think."

"We should. Definitely," she said. "But let's finish making out?"

"Finish?" His voice was adorably squeaky.

She unzipped his jeans and he said, "Oh, finish, good, good." She got her palm wet and reached for his dick. He came pretty quickly even though she was pretty sure it was not a great handjob. She almost said something about being better next time. But he said, "Your turn."

He was much better with his hand in her panties. Then they were just laying there, his jeans and boxers around his thighs, her shirt halfway up and her pants halfways down, kissing and sighing.

Finally they got up and cleaned up and went over to Dawson's. This wasn't what Joey had been expecting to do today but so far the unexpected was turning out pretty good. Dawson came down as they were approaching. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Pacey said. "Hey, yeah."

"Hi," Joey said.

"So we're all greeted," Dawson said. "Why did you two come by?"

"Um," Joey said. She felt like her voice had deserted her. She looked over at Pacey, he glanced at her.

"We're going, we're dating," Pacey said. He gestured at himself and Joey. He said, "Just today. But we needed to tell you."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dawson looked angry which made her angry.

"Not at all, Dawson," she said. "Why are you angry about this?"

"Why would you? I don't understand, you two barely like each other," Dawson said.

"We spent all summer hanging out, Dawson," Pacey said. "We liked each other before that. I tried to kiss her last year!"

"You actually did kiss me," Joey said.

"And I talked to you -" Pacey said.

"But it's different," Dawson said. He clenched his fist. "It just is. I don't," he said, shaking his head.

"I get that you're surprised, but we're over," Joey said. "We talked about that. You had sex with someone else. Why are you angry?"

"I always thought," he said. "I thought we'd get back together someday. Sorry." Now he looked downcast.

"So, really, you'd be upset if she was dating anyone," Pacey said.

"I'm upset about you, too," Dawson said. Joey was pretty sure his tone was now sheepish.

"But you're going to cope," Pacey said.

"I guess," Dawson said. "This has been a weird day." Joey saw Eve poking her head out of Dawson's window.

"I guess so," Joey said. Dawson looked up, too.

"Yeah," Dawson said. "Yup. Sorry about my bad initial reaction, you're right. I'm sorry."

Two weeks later, Pacey was crawling into her room through the window. She said, "Hi," very quietly. He closed the window and got into bed with her after taking off his shoes.

"You really want to do this?" He was whispering as he took off his shirt and jeans. "We don't have to."

"Duh, we totally don't have to," Joey whispered. "Yes, I want to. It's you, I feel safe with you."

"Why?" He ran his hand through her hair.

She smiled at him. "Because you're you, dummy."

"Okay," he said. "It's not skanky doing this two weeks into our relationship?"

"It's only two weeks into our dating relationship, not our relationship," she said. "Don't boys love skanks?"

"You said skanks could be men or women, so I would say some boys love some skanks, you can't generalize," Pacey said.

"Nope," she said. "Don't generalize."

She kissed him and hugged him and he held her close, rubbing her bare back. "Okay," she said, pulling back a few long minutes. "Condom."

"Right," he said. They were both naked so Pacey had to root around in his jeans on the floor. Then he got back on the bed.

She said, "I want you to remember this is my first time doing this," as she kissed her way down his pale chest to his stomach. Then she pushed down on his hips with her hands and said, "I did ask Jen for some tips, though."

"Oh, of course, you're doing that before we -"

"Yes," she said. "I want to, I swear, I'm not giving into some patriarchal idea of male pleasure being more important than female pleasure, because I know you are going to make me happy."

"Absolutely," he said, laughing a little. "Stop making me laugh, we'll wake up Bessie."

She looked at his penis and very much had a moment of that won't fit. Then she relaxed and started delicately taking the head of his penis into her mouth. She remembered Jen's tips and started sucking, taking in a little more and a little more. Then she drew back with a wet sort of pop and ran her wet lips down the shaft and onto his balls. He was definitely moving under her like he was happy. When she looked up at him, he had his hand jammed into his mouth.

She kept pushing down his hip with one hand, and with the other pumping up and down on his dick and she took him back in her mouth. She was getting used to it, how his dick felt on her tongue when he tugged at her hair and sort of pushed her off. "Jo," he said, his voice hoarse. "I want, inside you."

"Right," she said. He took a few deep breaths and grabbed the condom, putting it on. He got off the bed and arranged her on her back, her legs spread but her feet flat on the edge.

"This works for you?"

She nodded as he squatted, working his fingers and mouth on her mysterious lady cavern flower. She smiled at the joke in her head and then arched her back at how fucking good it was, he was getting her so wet. She was just on the edge of coming when he stood up. She could feel and see him just starting to push in, just right there. He was in just a little and he said, "Okay?"

"Good," she said. She pushed herself down and he went in a little more, it felt like so much, more than she'd expected, but he was touching her, getting her wet again. Finally, he was all the way in and he was moving back and forth, a sweet, slow rhythm and she moved with him.

He came first, hands dragging on her thighs, almost bruising. He stepped back and got rid of the condom and then squatted again with his head and hand between her legs. She finally came, her hand in her mouth so she didn't wake Bessie either.

He laid down next to her with a warm wet hand towel, cleaning both of them up. She whispered, "Did you go to the bathroom? Bessie might see you. You're naked."

"Bottled water from three days ago," he said. "I think ahead."

"Dork," she said.

"I love you," he said, looking at her forehead.

She pulled his chin down and said, "I love you, too," looking him in the eyes. "You can stay a little bit, Bessie doesn't bedcheck."

"Thank God," Pacey said. "I thought I'd never be in love again, and now I am but it's different, it's still love."

"Same," she said. "Can we talk about this in the morning? Or after a nap? I'm exhausted."

He kissed her and pulled the blanket over both of them. "Me, too."


End file.
